Haibun Monday

What scares me the most?  The fear of the unknown, of dying alone, and public speaking.  Pick the chair in the back row, try to blend in with the wall or floor, pray to not be called on.  The paralyzing fear when you’re out to lunch with fellow writers and the outgoing one of the group enthusiastically decides it’d be a great idea to go around the table and have everyone introduce themselves and talk about their writing.  Blend in.  Gain invisibility powers.  Luckily, not the first up.  Unluckily, not going first, and listening to the seasoned writers, somehow makes me feel even more inadequate.  One gentleman, a war veteran, writes historical nonfiction.  It sounds important.  I’m able to gather little else with the throbbing pulse in my ears.  I’m not even sure in what genre I want to write yet.  My greatest accomplishment at that point was raising a 3 year old little boy.
When my turn finally arrives, something that sounds similar to a frog croaking escapes my mouth, and I say, “I don’t talk.”  You know that fear of opening your mouth and something so profoundly stupid comes out?  Yeah, that was me in that moment.
Lily pad floating
on a pond in the springtime
frog catches a fly.
dVerse – Haibun Monday.  Write about fear.

 

 

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8 comments on “Haibun Monday

  1. Singledust says:

    this was cathartic to read. I would like to say just as much but you did it better than I could even begin to write. your words like pages from my own diary. still so much fear I have I dont know when I will be free. I refrained from this prompt though I love the haibun. it was too much to write out for me. but I loved your honesty and determination to overcome your fears. beautiful Lynn. really writing with a colourful pen.

    Like

    • colorfulpen says:

      Thank you, Gina. This is only the second haibun I’ve written. I think I’m warming to the form. This particular prompt though, about fear, kind of made me afraid, and I almost passed on it, too. I’d started writing on it Monday night, decided I hated what I wrote (too personal), then started over three times today. I mean, when you can list your fears on a notebook sized piece of paper, where do you even begin? Ha! And then the idea of sharing those fears with others. Pretty scary in itself.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Singledust says:

        i love writing the haibun and have just started too. but just like you I wrote a few drafts and binned the lot as I was so unhappy and could not decide to share or not to share, I think we have a the same length notebook page of fears! I am really trying to be more authentic with my writing but still find it hard to be open. So that’s why I really appreciated yours, it was words form the heart so hard to bring forward and you did a brilliant job. Very sincere yet not asking for sympathy just that someone listen to you. And that my dear is my biggest fear, not being heard. Fears are scary to share for we also feel we may be judged by the fear we are most afraid of. keep on writing colourful pen! I am reading you!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • colorfulpen says:

        I totally understand. I think your writing is beautiful and heartfelt. Writing about fears opens up…well, a whole world of fears. I’m glad you liked mine. In the end, I liked it but still felt unsure. Ah yes, one of the haibun attempts that I scrapped was about just that…being judged by our fears. I’ve that happen. It’s not fun. For sure, we all want someone to listen. You are being heard, my friend. Your words and your heart shine. Let them continue to soar!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. frankhubeny says:

    Some people tend to be more talkative than others. I tend to freeze up in groups I am unfamiliar with. There is a poetry group nearby that I just attend and do not recite any poems in front of. Your haibun makes me think I should just recite something to break the ice. I am sure some will think it is “profoundly stupid”. I might agree with them, but at least the ice is broken.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Bodhirose says:

    Public speaking is a big fear for a lot of people I believe…me included! Thanks for putting yourself out here and sharing. I hope it left you feeling a little better about yourself.
    Gayle ~

    Liked by 1 person

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